If you’re looking to remind some poor sucker that they're just one day closer to death, you’ve found the right cards.

(If you just want a card that says “Happy Birthday”, keep looking.)

“Age is just a number...” Birthday Card

Some milestone birthdays can be overwhelming... so for those who may be feeling crushed under the weight of a large number this year, use this card to remind them that just about anything (their age, their problems, their entire existence) can be reduced to utter insignificance with a mere turn of phrase.

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Birthday Card for old ladies

Youthfulness, beauty, glamour, dancing with jigolos -- these are every old maid’s dreams. So if there's a mature woman in your life who is still celebrating her birthdays, this is the card for her.

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Thirty-Three Birthday Card

This card is dense with fully-legible Wikipedia facts regarding the significance of the number 33. Math, Science, Culture... it’s all in there, ending with “33 years ago, you were born.”

And on the inside: “...all meaningless without the last one.”

So if you’re favourite 33-year-old’s head wasn't big enough already, this will boost their ego for the rest of the year at least.

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The Big Fifty Birthday Card

This card is dense with fully-legible Wikipedia facts regarding the significance of the number 50. Math, Science, Culture... it’s all in there, ending with “50 years ago, you were born.”

And on the inside: “...all meaningless without the last one.”

Great for any 50-year old, especially one who got the ‘Thirty-Three’ card 17 years ago... they’ll think it’s part of an elite series and will probably cling to life long enough to see what kind of card they get at 100.

Free PDF

The AlphaBirthday Cards

This one says it all.

Literally, because I’ve included a version for every letter of the alphabet.

(Pick the one that the geezer’s name starts with, of course!)

Free PDF