If you’re looking to remind some poor sucker that they're just one day closer to death, you’ve found the right cards.

Some milestone birthdays can be overwhelming... so for those who may be feeling crushed under the weight of a large number this year, use this card to remind them that just about anything (their age, their problems, their entire existence) can be reduced to utter insignificance with a mere turn of phrase.

Youthfulness, beauty, glamour, dancing with jigolos -- these are every old maid’s dreams. So if there's a mature woman in your life who is still celebrating her birthdays, this is the card for her.

This card is dense with fully-legible Wikipedia facts regarding the significance of the number 50. Math, Science, Culture... it’s all in there, ending with “50 years ago, you were born.”

And on the inside: “...all meaningless without the last one.”

Great for any 50-year old, especially one who got the ‘Thirty-Three’ card 17 years ago... they’ll think it’s part of an elite series and will probably cling to life long enough to see what kind of card they get at 100.

Here in Canada, turning 19 means you can now legally buy booze. Help commemorate this glorious event with a Birthday Card that doubles as a handy checklist of 19 different alcoholic beverages to try.

How to use this card: Fill in the boxes with a checkmark as each drink is completed, or a red X if that drink makes them puke.